Feature  History  Bios  Events  Orgs  Gear  Photos  Forum  Quotes  Reads  Links  Home		This feature article was snagged from . Click here for the previous articles Thoughts on Partners by Leigh McGuigan March 1st, 2000 Climbing partnerships are the stuff of legend: Messner/Habeler, Boardman/Tasker, Mallory/Irvine, even Simpson/Yates. But how many legends do you know that include a woman in the partnership? Historians might mention Herb and Jan Conn, who developed routes at Seneca Rocks and elsewhere, or other husband/wife rock climbing or mountaineering teams, but none of these partnerships has reached the status of "legend". And what about climbing partnerships of two women? Not even on the map. Me, I'm ready for a great book about two women climbers-Thelma & Louise Go Climbing, with a better ending, of course, on the summit. Some people are choosy about partners. Others spend more time pondering who to go to the movies with than they do the reliability of their belayers. Some like a steady partner; others climb with everybody. For women, climbing with men can bring a unique set of problems, including, from time-to-time, feeling like the second-class member of the duo, avoiding belay enslavement, preventing jealous spouses and dealing with unwanted come-ons. The Boyfriend/Husband Partner Many of us start off climbing with boyfriends or husbands. Sharing a passion for each other with a passion for climbing is joyous. But attempted homicide and tears at the crag don't make for a pleasant day. Maybe because Boyfriend/Husband usually starts off with more knowledge and skill, or at least organizes the trip, he often assumes that he should be responsible for figuring things out, going first, and generally taking care of the situation. He will buy the gear, do the hard leads, manage the anchors, do the driving and choose the beer. You might find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time belaying, or listening to unwanted advice, or having everything you start taken over and finished for you. This can be fine for a while, since he often has more experience, and you might even welcome it. But there comes a time when you want to contribute your own skill and judgment on an equal basis, you don't want any more advice, you want to lead more, or the baggage of the relationship just makes climbing together not as fun. The answer can be to find some new partners, at least for a while. Miraculously, often after climbing with others, you go back to climbing with Boyfriend/Husband with a whole new outlook, and somehow he gets one too. And if he doesn't, you'll have developed some good alternatives. The Guy Partner Since climbing is a male dominated sport, when you start looking for partners you usually end up climbing with guys. Guys with whom you are not involved can find it easier to see you as an equal partner, even if they climb better and take harder leads. But there are new dangers. You might fall in love or get lusty, which is not necessarily bad unless you are already married or involved, but you could end up back in the previous paragraph. Some time-honored guidelines to avoid trouble include not complaining about your own spouse, not listening to complaints about his, and not getting too drunk. Other dangers are that your spouse or his will become jealous of your obvious closeness and desire to sleep together in small tents. Ways to avoid this include making sure you each get to know the others' spouse, honoring your partner's commitments at home by not tempting him to climb, and trying to organize occasional "spouse included" trips. Having a great relationship of your own really helps-if you're climbing to escape what's at home you're probably doomed to fall for your partner anyway. Finally, lots of women complain that guys they climb with hit on them, and when they aren't interested in romance they drop them as partners. No one seems to have a good answer for this problem of human nature. (Especially me. As the only married woman in America who is never propositioned, my response to such complaints is invariably considered unhelpful.) The Woman Partner In the end, nothing's better than finding a good girlfriend to climb with. Let's face it, it's a special brand of camaraderie, support and friendship. You can climb with a guy for three days, talk the whole time, and still not know basic information. Unless you give him the quiz, you won't know what he does for a living, whether he's married, if he has kids. (You will, however, know his digestive problems, his sports teams, his climbing stories and his views on every piece of gear.....but let's not be mean, eh?) Climb with a woman for three hours and chances are you'll know the outlines of her life, and she of yours. When you climb with a woman who is near your own level as a climber, you share leads and responsibility for decisions. If she is better than you, it's nice to see that someone made like you can do it. If you're better than she, you'll probably relish the opportunity for sharing and support. Indeed, much as we might want to live in a world where men are equal to women, most women say they build skills and confidence faster when they climb with other women. It's just the way it is. Thelma? Are you out there?
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